Frances Bula header image 2
← →

Abbott and Costello run 311

January 3rd, 2012 · 18 Comments

A funny story posted in response to a previous entry, but for those who missed it: a description from a well-meaning citizen about how interactions go with 311. BTW, dear 311 operators, I love you just fine and so do many others, including this poster, for the most part.

Actual problem resolution. I’ve tried it out a few times and have had widely varying experiences, from swift satisfaction to ridiculous frustration…

“Hello, 311? I’m calling about a large hole in the middle of the sidewalk at the northwest corner of Broadway and Waterloo.”

“Sorry, what are you calling about?”

“A large hole in the sidewalk, right at the corner of Broadway and Waterloo, where someone could easily step in it and do themselves serious harm.”

“Where is that?”

“At the northwest corner of Broadway and Waterloo.”

“What is the address there?”

“As I said, the northwest corner of Broadway and Waterloo. 3300 block.”

“Sorry, I need an exact address.”

“Gee, I don’t think the sidewalk has an actual address. Why don’t you use 3300?”

“I don’t appear to have a 3300 West Broadway. Are you sure about that address?”

“Look, this is turning into a Monty Python’s sketch. I’m beginning to regret that I called.”

“I’m sorry, is that Monty with an ‘ie’ or a ‘y’ Mr. Python?”

“No, no, my name’s not…never mind. Can’t I just report that there’s a pedestrian hazard in the sidewalk at this location?”

“I’m very sorry Mr. Python, did you say in the sidewalk?”

“Yes, right on the corner where someone could easily fall in it.”

“I’m sorry, the City isn’t responsible for holes in the sidewalk, you’ll have to call the utility companies as it is their services that run under the sidewalk. Our services are all in the street. Do you need numbers for BC Hydro, Telus and Shaw?”

“Expletive(s) deleted”

“Have a nice day, Mr. Python and thank you for calling 311.”

 

Categories: Uncategorized

  • Silly Season

    OK, since you’re running “funny” (and it is), I have to pop this one on the blog because it’s such a fine example of what we think we know…and don’t.

  • Dan Cooper

    I have received great service from 311 sometimes, while other times it has been disturbingly like the above. They apparently are not allowed to do anything – no matter what the problem – without having MY name and address. To me, if I am calling to say, “One of your trucks just dropped a huge pile of dirt in the middle of a street where there are no lights and someone could run into it and get killed,” they should do something about it even if I don’t feel that my personal info is relevant.

    Anyway, I no longer call them about anything that does not, in fact, look like a life-and-death issue.

  • rmac

    I have had only one occasion to call 311 and the service was great. I was walking down to Granville Island, noticed that someone had tipped over the garbage cans at the bus round-a-bout and called to ask that the garbage be cleaned up. I wasn’t asked my name, I described myself as a pedestrian and that was that. The area was clean and tidy by the time my shopping was done. Kudos, 311.

  • Mira

    LOL, Frances shot at humor… that’s what happens when you’re back from the holidays, with nothing to report. How typical. Let me remind everyone that Abbot and Costello work under the supervision of the great commander in chief , her worship Vision appointee, Penny Ballem.
    Enough said!

  • Max

    Speaking of city employees – aren’t their contracts up for negotiation or in the process of negotiation?

    Let’s guess, 4:00 on a Friday a ‘press release’ slither out letting us ‘taxpayers’ what has been settled.

  • boohoo

    Dan,

    Like I said before, I’ve called three times and never once been asked for any personal information.

    Knowing vision through they probably have satellites tracking my every move already so no need to ask me.

  • Jake

    @ boohoo

    Signs of more inconsistency: I’ve called five or six times and in each instance was asked for my name and telephone number.

  • Silly Season

    Ditto.

  • sv

    Mira-you had me at “enough said!”

  • Everyman

    I’ve had good service every time I’ve used 311. Usually it has been on the first of the month because some lazy renter decided to just dump their furniture on the side of the road, rather than pay to take it to the dump. I don’t have a problem with them asking for name and phone number. In an era when people call 911 because McDonalds is out of McNuggets, I can see why they want to verify an issue.

  • Stuart Mackinnon

    I call 3-1-1 frequently as my neighbourhood (East Fraserlands) is used often as a dumping ground for old furniture and electronics. Always fast courteous service. Only once was I asked for my name and phone number. When I called about a crumbling sidewalk corner, they took the intersection name and direction of the corner and it was repaired within two days. perhaps a little better training for uniformity is in order, but I have no complaints. Only compliments.

  • Bijouboy

    Just another addition to the Monty Python School of Civic Information.

    Today we called 311 to ask to speak with the Engineering Department ( who are now inaccessible by direct line from outside the wall ) to request information about a “Hoarding Permit”.

    Without any interest in directing this call to the staff member requested, the operator expressed concern as to what was being “hoarded” and that she was not sure that the City of Vancouver could in fact issue a permit to “hoard” anything.

    The operator with all good intentions was interested in what was being ‘hoarded” and where this “hoarding” would be taking place.

    Concern in this office was expressed as to the fact that too much reality tv was being the new guide for staff responses, and that in fact a “hoarding permit” was required to protect
    city property and the well being of the citizens of Vancouver during construction projects adjacent to City sidewalks.

    The CoV staff member perhaps realizing that this was a “real world” question and not a reality television program finally acknowledged that this question was a bit over her head and our request to be directed to the appropriate staff members was implemented.

    It was good cause for discussion in our office, and of course the development of a new semantic for conversation with the staff at 311.

    Whatever happened to the good old days when you could speak directly with the appropriate staff member.

  • Shane

    I’ve called 311 twice – both time to amazing service from the receiving operator to the eventual specialist I ended up with.

    1st time I got an operator who passed me through to someone at Metro about a water issue. Turned out it was not a Metro issue, but they had some great tips for me as a homeowner.

    2nd time was about a diseased tree on the boulevard. Someone from Parks called me back the next day and confirmed the tree should be removed and advised it would be removed (and was within a month) and replaced this spring.

    Still waiting to see if we have any say about the type of tree that goes in though.

  • Otis Krayola

    @Shane #12
    Call 311 and ask.

  • George

    I’ve had nothing but good experiences with 311. always had solutions to the problem.

    My only complaint…I don’t mind giving my name and address, but the operator should refrain from comments like…
    “Oh you’ve phoned several times before”..I felt as if I had overstepped a quota, or I was being tracked and documented..ouch.

  • Michael Alexander

    Sorry, Frances, but this reads like an urban myth from someone who believes government can do nothing right. Or, someone on a really, really, really, really bad cellphone connection. Aren’t all 311 calls recorded? You might want to do a reality check.

  • Frances Bula

    @Michael Alexander. Um, obviously, it’s a parody.

  • Jake

    @Frances Bula and @Micheal Alexander. As the originator of this entry, I can affirm that it only became a parody in my changing of the names to protect the innocent 😉